So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he laminated a picture of his dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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