I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
