So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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