I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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