her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
