Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
