That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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