i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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