So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
