He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
