Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
