end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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