I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
