At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
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I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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