my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
