she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
