im having a threesome with these popsicles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
