I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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