Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's blow job season.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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