I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
