I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
