elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
