Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
