Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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