I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
