remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
