i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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