ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
