ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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