your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
