My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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