just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
