Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
