The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
