I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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