No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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