Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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