girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
