she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
