So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i will never coherently bang her
The best revenge is premature balding
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
