AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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