You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize