my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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