Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
