Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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