I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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