remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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