the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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