I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
