I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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