my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to calm my uterus...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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