he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
