Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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