my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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