I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
