Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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