Having a random hookup so left but love u
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
