I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
